you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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