I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
