dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize