you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
