Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
