We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're like the curious george of whores
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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