Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
