the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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