Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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