you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
