The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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