The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
