after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
