just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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