as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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