You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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