that's an acceptable place to lick
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
