im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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