as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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