I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
