Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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