If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
