who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
