im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
