He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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