Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
