I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
