Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
