i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
