Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
