You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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