Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
do nipples grow back?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
