My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
why is half of my head shaved?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
