Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dear god my vagina.
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