You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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