carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
