Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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