apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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