Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
