So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
NoShamevember. You game?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
