stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
