He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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