This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
