I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
