just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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