Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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