Cold hands, warm shart.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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