she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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