I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
