that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
