There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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