Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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