i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
do nipples grow back?
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