This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
