First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
