I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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