Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
