You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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