just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
