Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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