life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
