it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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