so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
