I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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