dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
