i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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