some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
