She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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