I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You ruined the universe
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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