Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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